A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.
This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”
The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The Cherokee elder replied…
“The one you feed.”
I can give you a list as long as my arm of the things I don't have. If I so choose, I could talk all day about the disappointment of not having the niceties that pinterest has convinced me I am less without. The lack, it catches my foot and drags me down until I am eye level with my demons. It shoves in my face all of my short comings, the 'not-good-enoughs', the 'you-should-haves' and the 'it'll-never-happens'. It holds me down and jams these negatives in my face until my silver lining dissipates. Until it is nearly gone, leaving me hollow, belittled and filled with regret.
This happened, yes. We all have our moments. Prior to the holiday I allowed myself one big, final pitty-party. One last, 'cry-it-out-and-regret-everything' afternoon. It was an 'Oprah cry', the exhausting yet fulfilling mid afternoon cry. Similar to the one Oprah would give my mom at least once a week at about 4 in the afternoon. I deserved this. After the really, really tough fall we had, -I allowed myself the afternoon. I put on my comfy pajamas and curled up with the hallmark channel and a glass of wine. I knew it would be the end. When I shed that last healthy tear, I decided that I was finished. I let go of every drop of envy, each regret from 2014. Instantly, I felt lighter.
I will not feed that wolf. I won't trip into that rabbit hole. I have too many amazing things in my life to waste it on regrets, envy and fear. I will relish in the love of my husband, our strong and awe inspiring bond. I will celebrate my loud, opinionated family. I will wake up each day to a fresh slate. A day dedicated to doing what I love. I will let my heart beat a little faster each time a bride chooses my girls and I to work with. I will give myself a break, I will work hard but I will also relax. I will be kind and happy and I will enjoy each and every beautiful blessing I am given. I will feed a wolf. The one filled with love, hope and joy. I will starve the negitive, the envy, the regrets. My silver lining will glisten, like a beacon when I am low. Here is to a awe inspiring 2015. Filled with contentment, celebration and above all -Love.